Pages of My Diary: #Pondering
Since I split from my ex, the road ahead is shrouded in mystery and I feel like I can do ANYTHING and that NOTHING is holding me back from following my wildest curiosities. There are so many doors wide open for me. I feel like I can do anything. And yet, some of the people I am closest to are so critical of my decisions.
I feel like I want a change in my life. I want to get off the rock for a little bit and get my mind right. I am craving new adventures and to distance myself from everything that is going on in my here and now. At the same time, this could definitely be the best "rock bottom" story ever to be told. That's where I feel like I'm at -- Rock Bottom.
I can't wait to see my cousin in Maryland and my BFF who is also in Maryland. I really need to be with them and talk to them about my life. Lord knows I need some direction while I write these books. What I really want to do is lock myself up in a room and not come out until the novel is done. I can't very well do that here in Hawai'i because my phone doesn't stop ringing and well, circumstances will just NOT allow it right now. An artist needs complete silence and maybe some inspiration music but other than that - silence is the key to unlock the creativity in my mind.
Nothing is more important to me right now than changing my career path. Instead of doing what I do, which I'm pretty good at, I want to move toward living my dream. That means being a full-time writer. I don't get why some of the people that are closest to me cannot see my dream and support whatever path that takes me on. I am not leaving anyone behind just because I am moving toward my dream. At the end of my life, heck, at the end of this year, I don't want to have any regrets.
My father is stuck on the fact that I have a good job with great benefits. Me? I'm like, screw the benefits and the good job. What about the great big world out there that's waiting to be seen and experienced? What about the life that I have always dreamed of living? None of that can be achieved by staying in the same position. No one that ever achieved anything did it without opposition from their closest confidants. I suppose I will be the same. **sigh**
I am just so ready to live out loud and not be afraid of putting myself out there and taking this show in an entirely different direction. I don't mean to be disrespectful to my father. God bless him. He has been such a big part of my healing. And his advice and demeanor is always so steady but I think it's time for me to spread my wings and fly.