The Awakening, continued
He made me feel so alive.
Maybe it was due to the number of years I had been so numb. The ONLY man to ever break my heart had made me numb from the countless years of neglecting me. That feeling creeps up on me from time to time. It's evident in some of my posts.
He made me feel so alive. Regardless of the "whys" (why he made me feel so alive), I had never felt this way before. And if I did, I was NOT recognizing it at all. How had a simple evening out lead to this awakening? It was like there was a dragon asleep inside of me and he had brought it back from eternal slumber.
My life was in such turmoil when "A." came into my world. My mind was telling me that I shouldn't be involved with a man so soon after breaking up with the ex. My mind was telling me that this man was going to break my heart just like the last one did. My mind was telling me that EVERYONE was going to think I was crazy for jumping back into the dating game. But my heart was telling me otherwise. I followed my heart.
Our first date ended at 5am. (Note: we did not sleep together.) "A." had mentioned many times that he wanted to spend the next day with me. I didn't pay any mind to it because I'd believe it when it actually happened. This is where we pick up where we left off.
I made it back to my apartment safe and sound. I was so tired and so in need of sleep. At the same time, I was so excited and feeling so ALIVE. I quickly fell asleep with a HUGE smile on my face. It had to have been only an hour later when the trill of my cell phone woke me. It was "RSW," a friend that wanted more than friendship. I gave him the brush-off and went back to sleep.
I knew I had to get up. It was Easter Sunday 2003 and I wanted to attend services. Before I got ready for church, I called a friend to tell her what's been goin' on with me. Divorce. blah blah blah. Somebody sucked my toes. blah blah blah. RSW wanted more. blah blah blah. The list went on and on. So anyway, I went to church. There was three missed calls on my cell phone. None of them were from A... the one who said he'd like to spend the day with me. **sigh** I was bummed.
So I carried on. I returned the three phone calls. 1st - Reema, my "sister" in St. Louis. 2nd - Work - they had a mini-crisis. Finally, RSW. Apparently he wanted to spend the day with me as well. Since A. hadn't called yet and it was just past noon, I decided to take my butt to RSW's place. I hadn't been there even an hour and my phone started ringing again. Work... mini-crisis solved. Then... the man that was waking every single NERVE in my body, "A.", called.
I did a quick exit. Told RSW that I had to help prepare Easter Dinner for some friends and BOUNCED! What really happened is that A. had called and I needed to be away from RSW to talk to A. LOL... When I finally got into my car, I called A. back.
"I told you I'd like to spend the day with you," he said.
I didn't want to seem too EAGER so I played with him for a minute. What our conversation finally whittled down to was that I would go to his place.
When I laid eyes on him again, the butterflies fluttered in my belly more wildly than the evening before. I was so excited to be near him. As soon as I got there my cell started ringing again. I know folks are wondering why I didn't just turn the durn thing off. I had to leave it on because my job payed part of my bill. That particular phone conversation had me tied up for like thirty minutes. It was almost rude except A. was preparing an early dinner so he didn't really mind.
When he served dinner, we ate. He commented on my dress. He thought I got all dressed up for him when really I just hadn't been home since I left to go to church. Go figure. I could have let him think I did do it for him but that is just NOT. MY. STYLE. I had to tell him the truth -- "Don't flatter yaself!!!"
We talked on into the evening. He asked me to spend the night and we argued back and forth about it. It was just NOT MY STYLE. Reality - I was scared. Prior to A., I had been with just my EX for six years. I didn't know what to expect of a man other than the ex. But you know what? I didn't let it stop me. I decided to stay the night. We slept in the same bed but we didn't "sleep" together.
Like in Waiting to Exhale when Bernadine (Angela Bassett) and James (Wesley Snipes) get a hotel room. The characters talk about how they've never done this before, etc. and the mental note you make in your head is that they're about to knock some serious boots. What actually happens is nothing. Nothing happens. The camera pans out and the only thing that happened is that they fell asleep in each others arms, fully clothed. Kinda sweet isn't it?
Well, that's what happened with myself and A. I wanted to feel him next to me but I didn't want to "consummate". He would need more than some cute dimples and a flawless body to get that done. So we fell asleep in each others arms. He totally respected me. Of course he tried but I didn't let him and he was very respectful. This could have been a disaster if A was not the gentleman that he was. Hindsight, I would not have spent the night.
These first few evenings that we spent together set me up to fall in love. I knew I was consciously going to yearn for this man and there was no turning back. He was very respectful of the boundaries I had set. That, alone, was more precious than anything. And he made me feel like a new woman.
We never spent another day apart after that for two ENTIRE months. He awakened me.