A New Year, Maybe a New Me
Happy Chinese New Year!
There is so much to be grateful for in my life.
As I move forward, one step at a time, I find that I am outgrowing my current job. I have a strong desire to move through all of the monotony of my old life. My most recent trip to Texas really opened me up to the possibility of moving and living there. Granted, I would need quick access to Hawai'i because I can only go so long before I need the ocean. Dallas is the hub for American Airlines so if I could get a job there then I think it would be a no-brainer for me to make my way to Dallas. I just need a fresh start away from here, away from my ex-husband. He has not left the island so the odds of running into him here are pretty high. I would just die if I ran into him with another woman.
He is so beautiful to me but I understand that he does not feel that way about me and I will be okay with that. It does not devalue who I am. I know what I bring to the table and I know how powerful my life is. What I miss so much is his presence in my day to day. Even though our split has been such a free-ing experience, I miss the routine of every day. Funny how just a year ago, the routine is what was making me so unhappy.
I love being in love. I love pouring my time and affection into a relationship. I don't have that right now, though I would not be opposed to it, so I am constantly working on using that time to write. It does not mean that I do not have any interested parties vying for my affection but I am just tired of waiting. I want something in real time. Right now. Someone to go to the movies with, to take me to the nail shop, to go dancing with, dinner, and all the fun things that can happen in real time. The truth is that I know I'm not ready for real-time love. My mind, my heart, my soul is just not ready to pull anyone else into my drama. In the meantime, though, I will enjoy the attention as I heal my heart.