tears

*inhale*
**exhale**

surround me with
LOVE
if it is to Be
then let it
if it is not to bE
i am ready

LOVE
shouldnt hurt

LOVE
doesnt belittle

LOVE
doesnt manipulate


*inhale*
**exhale**

2012 Girls Camp

I am about to drop off the planet for a couple days. I'm headed for our annual Girls Camp Retreat at Camp Erdman. 30 of us are going to bond in NATURE.... well... almost NATURE. I don't have to set up a tent -- we're staying in rustic cabins. I don't have to cook. There's a cafeteria there.

Wish me luck as I deal with 22 young women and 7 other young single adult women. I'm leaving the tweezers and the razor behind as I get cave-woman-ish in nature. See you all this weekend.

The Post About Books

I am on the search for a new book to read. As I mentioned in the past couple of posts, I just completed WILD by Cheryl Strayed. It was pretty good. It definitely put me in a different state of mind, contemplating what I would do if I ever embarked on an 1100 mile hike. I guess we all have some kind of insurmountable "hike" like that. I actually have several journeys to travel to overcome all of my "hikes". God-willing, I will accomplish them all in this lifetime while I'm relatively young enough to enjoy the triumph. That is all beside the point though because this post is about books.

I am on a search for a book to read. My biggest problem is that I am unable to commit to one particular book or an author to read. I absolutely love Stephen King and Dean Koontz. I have probably read more of their books than any other authors out there. However, I am not really looking for that type of book.

I kind of want to read a really good love story. When I was fresh out of high school, I picked up Flyy Girl by Omar Tyree. This was in the era when Waiting to Exhale came out and the genre of "Urban Romance" came forward. Though I could not identify with how the characters were portrayed, I love being able to peer into another persons world. I suppose that's the best thing about reading... being a fly on the wall, observing everything, and contemplating how I relate to the story.

Every now and again I really love a historical novel. A novel that weaves history and fiction and the complexity of life into a beautiful story. Shark Dialogues by Kiana Davenport really did a number on me. I was so moved by the issues that the author focused on while still telling a fantastic story. It chronicles the life of several women whom are all related and all deal with their island heritage differently. The story is heartbreaking more than a story of triumph but sometimes the stories that hit closest to home are the ones that illuminates the reality of grief.

The book I have settled on for now or at least til Oprah releases the next book for her Book Club is...
Beautiful Ruins by Jess Walter. I didn't read all of the reviews because I hate SPOILERS but I did read enough to pique my interest. Love, a little bit of history. Let's do this!

August 2012 Issue of O Magazine

So has anyone seen the cover of the August issue of The O Magazine? Oprah is on the cover wearing a stellar color combo outfit that happens to be the colors featured on my new blog banner. Did I pick that out of the stream of consciousness that's out in the atmosphere or what? Very cool and so worthy of a mention on the blog.

I wanted to point out, though, the cost of the outfit. Granted, it's Oprah and she can afford stuff like this but as much as I love that outfit I don't have the means right now. She probably didn't have to pay for the items either because the designer just wants some exposure. I totally get it!

I love her pose in the shot and I absolutely adore the color combo. The shoes are an interesting pairing with the outfit and I absolutely love Oprah's styling.

According to the Shop Guide on page 171, here is the itemized shopping list for the outfit:

• Shirt - Lafayette 148 New York $278
• Skirt - Roland Mouret $850
• Bangles - Miriam Salat $350 each (you can barely see it on the cover)
• Ring - Jack Vartanian $2,340
• Shoes - Christian Louboutin $1,095
• Earrings - Tresor, Medawar Fine Jewelers (no price)

The total of Oprah's cover outfit could really, truly pay off my car note. Wow!! What industry can I get into that will allow me to don the finest clothing and the finest jewelry?

Day Hike to Kahana

The other day I went on a hike. Nothing like a WILD/Cheryl Strayed hike... traversing 1100 miles of terrain... but a day hike. A nice hike, the Nakoa Trail, into the beautiful Ko'olau mountain range. Though everyone came out alive (all 40 of us) and safe and were clueless about all the worries I had, I was not pleased with the way the hike was executed. I take responsibility for the ill-conceived hike and promise to do it differently if I am ever in charge of a hike again.

I felt like I was totally prepared for whatever the day would bring in terms of self-preservation. That means, I was prepared to care for myself if something went wrong and we became stuck in the mountains.... well kind of prepared. I had food. I had water. I had a bright colored rain coat that could double as a tarp. I had a towel. I had a jacket for warmth. I had a first aid kit. I had toilet paper. I had a change of clothes.

Looking back, I was definitely missing a bunch of things. Because I had nearly completed reading WILD, I felt like I had to prepare to take stuff but not so much that my pack was too heavy. Definitely on my next hike, the following will be on the preparation shopping list, in order of necessity:

1. Wenger 16388 EvoWood Swiss Army Knife - This little tool has a bunch of different purposes. LOVE IT! Knife, Wood saw, scissors, screwdriver, wire stripper, can opener, nail file, nail cleaner, etc. This features a wooden ergonomic handle!

2. Multi-Purpose Shovel - This five-in-one shovel serves as a shovel, saw, pick, axe, and compass. Now that is worth squawking about!

3. Bear Grylls Fire Starter - Being able to start a fire is crucial! Even in Hawai'i where the temperature rarely dips below 70, one can still suffer hypothermia if wet or in a high mountain range where it's much colder. So having fire to warm up or even cook something to eat is required! I'm taking some weatherproofed matches also.

4. Tent or some form of temporary housing - this is a toss up between two different tents.
* My first choice is the Solitaire Tent :: I like this one because it's very stylish and looks very comfy. It is also  relatively light-weight adding only 2 pounds and 9 ounces to my pack but very pricey.
**My second choice is the Emergency Shelter Tent :: very economic at about $10 in comparison to the Solitaire Tent @ $100. However, it is not as stylish or functional as the tent. Honestly, I'd probably pack both.

5. Water Filter - There are so many options. I would pack two different systems. In the book WILD, Cheryl had a filter as well as iodine tabs. Very smart. I will probably do the same. Although I have concerns about water. I mean, does a carbon filter work to get rid of bacteria in the water. Like here in Hawai'i there is always a concern for leptospirosis. So would it just make more sense to just take iodine tabs? Things that make me go hmmmm....

Well, I just did a google search and found that water filters ARE NOT effective on leptospirosis. In a survival situation a person MUST boil the water or treat it with Iodine tablets.

Ok so let me add to the two forms of water purifiers -- I want a PORTABLE UV STERILIZER. This form of filtering actually works on leptospirosis. You can purify water with it. It's light weight, compact, and very effective.

6. Simple Mess Kit - This would probably be priceless in a survival situation. A cup, a pot, a pan, and a deep dish plate. This might be a luxury but one I would want!

7. Crank Lantern/ Radio - Ok whoever came up with this little contraption is brilliant. According to the specs and reviews on Amazon, three minutes of cranking allows the light to last up to 75 minutes. That is pretty amazing. We don't have to lug batteries around for this which is priceless when packing a hiking bag. However, it does work with three AAA batteries. It also includes a radio, nightlight, compass, hanging loop, 120-decibel siren, etc. AMAZING!

I think that about covers my foray into packing a hiking bag. Maybe I should add to the list some dehydrated food also. As I read WILD by Cheryl Strayed, the thought of having to carry so many items along an 1100 mile journey had me wondering what I would take. So as I packed for my short day hike yesterday, I thought of her and her MONSTER bag. What an awesome adventure she must have had. I probably could not have endured the silence and the loneliness but maybe I could. Solitude is probably the best way to get in touch with things that really matter. Crystal clear perceptions must come as a result of the solitude.

Everyday, I should clear my mind and find the solitude that leads to the peace that I yearn for.

Book Review: Wild by Cheryl Strayed

I just completed the book Wild (Oprah's Book Club 2.0 Digital Edition) by Cheryl Strayed. It's about a girl who starts on an 1100 mile hike across California and Oregon and through all the rough terrain in between.

...at last I found myself, bootless, in the summer of 1995, not so much loose in the world as bound to it. It was a world I'd never been to and yet had known was there all along, one I'd staggered to in sorrow and confusion and fear and hope. A world I thought would both make me into the woman I knew I could become and turn me back into the girl I'd once been. 

At the end of her journey, Cheryl evolves into a woman with the skills to take on the rest of her life. It is a beautiful memoir. Beautiful indeed. I believe this is the type of book I will write. I'm excited by the idea of turning my memories and thoughts into a published memoir. I am sure that my struggles and my epiphanies will be of use to many a lonely reader.

Up until late last night, I was at about 90% done with the book. I just could not keep my eyes open to finish off the final 10% of the book. So this morning I woke up super early to enjoy and relish the final pages of this wonderful memoir.

Cheryl's journey on the Pacific Crest Trail begins after having experienced the loss of her mother to cancer, the fracture of her family after her mother's untimely passing, and the demise of her marriage because of her own infidelities. If there were any a time for Cheryl to do some soul searching, it would seem that those three things I mentioned were ample material for her to embark on a path of enlightenment. Her path led her down (or up) a physically grueling hike across some of the most beautiful scenery in the West. I say "beautiful" because as I read the book, I googled all the images associated with the places she mentioned. The images ignites my sense of wonderment in relation to all the natural wonders on this beautiful planet.

I can certainly relate to two of the most difficult things that Cheryl endured. First is the demise of her marriage. I have blogged about my first marriage on many occasions. Second is the loss of her mother. Though Cheryl had a very nice relationship with her mother. My relationship to mine was littered with my selfish, unapologetic brashness of immaturity because of her old-school parenting. I wish I could take back so many years of me keeping my mother at a distance. But I know that she understands my frailties and can see everything from a much more grand vantage point.

One of the worst things about losing my mother at the age I did was how very much there was to regret ...The thought of my youthful lack of humility made me nauseous now. I had been an arrogant asshole and, in the midst of that, my mother died. Yes, I'd been a loving daughter and yes, I'd been there for her when it mattered, but I could have been better. I could have been what I'd begged her to say I was: the best daughter in the world.

I wonder if Cheryl's words are having an effect on me.

Alone had always felt like an actual place to me, as if it weren't a state of being, but rather a room where I could retreat to be who I really was. The radical aloneness of the PCT had altered that sense. Alone wasn't a room anymore, but the whole wide world, and now I was alone in that world, occupying it in a way I never had before.

I often feel like ALONE is a place I want to be. I want to be ALONE to follow my own paths and dreams and to bring my life into a peaceful alignment. I want to become the person I must authentically and genuinely be. As women, some of us take on the heavy burden of caring for everyone except ourselves. I no longer want to be that woman. But how does one UNTANGLE from all the burdens that have been heaped upon our shoulders? Cheryl quotes her mother:

"I never got to be in the driver's seat of my own life," she'd wept to me once, in the days after she learned she was going to die. "I always did what someone else wanted me to do. I've always been someone's daughter or mother or wife. I've never just been me. 

So who am I? I still don't know. I want to make choices independent of my "role" as wife or daughter or sister or friend. I want to make choices that fit who I am, authentically.

Needless to say, Cheryl Strayed truly has a gem on her hands. I'm thankful Oprah resurrected her Book Club. I look forward to our next read.

The Random Twitter Timeline

I've been spending more time on Twitter than Facebook these days. I find the 140 character limit very useful. If you can't get your message broadcasted within the 140 characters then you are wayyy too verbose!! I follow very interesting people. From Deepak to Oprah and Chris Tucker to Spike Lee, it is a very eclectic bunch of people. Who came up with Twitter anyway?

Some of the tweets in my feed today ran the gamut of uplifting to downright depressing.

@PhilosophQuotes tweets: "You are not responsible for the emotions of others. We all have to master our own state of mind. #philosophy #quote"
I really needed that quote today. This funky mood I've been in... feeling like Big Change is coming has me on edge. I seem to be super sensitive to my husband's moods and it battles with my own authentic emotion. Sometimes, especially lately, husband and I are on opposite sides of the spectrum. So for today and tomorrow I pledge to be responsible for only my emotions! I will not react or take on another person's drama!

@CivilBeat tweets: "There are 282 city parks, most w/ bathrooms, 190 staff. Our original story: The Dirty Dozen bathrooms http://ow.ly/cboow #HNLMayor " 
For people who are not familiar with the island of O'ahu... it's a small island. Unlike the mainland where there are fully stocked Rest Stops/public restrooms at most Gas Stations. O'ahu's businesses are not in the business of providing free facilities. In response to that the City and County of Honolulu has built comfort station restrooms all over the island and at all the parks. The only problem with that is that there is not enough staff to care for and stock the restrooms. Often, it's best if you always have your own toilet paper and wipes in your car.

@blackamericaweb tweets: "A Rock and a Hard Place: http://bit.ly/NN6avJ "
If you follow the link it takes you to an article with the most disturbing statistics. The opening paragraph states, "As of June 30, some 261 people have been murdered in the Windy City. That’s a 38 percent increase over 2011." Is Chicago serious? Halfway through the year and already 261 murders? I am astounded by the number of murdesr. If you continue reading the article it delivers some of the most depressing stories about the murder of innocent bystanders, caught in the center of gunfire. Whenever I read articles like this I feel like we need stronger support for protecting our right to bear arms. Why should only criminals have guns? The deeper question is probably, how do we change the behavior of murderers? Very sad!

I close this post with a tweet from @kevin_powell: "Thinking of a master plan..."
That's been me for the past couple of days -- just thinking of a master plan. Also, the rap classic Paid in Full by Eric B. and Rakim rings in my ears whenever I hear those words. I leave you with it while I think (and dream) of my master plan!

Big Change | Ideal Lifestyle

Some kind of BIG CHANGE is coming my way. I know it! I can feel it in my daily dealings. I hope and pray that it is in someway connected to the two business loan apps I've submitted to two different banks. I pray that they will be funding us and our entrepreneurship. That will be so awesome. The quality of life I desire to have is to enjoy this round-the-year summer weather and flourish here in Hawai'i. I don't want to just live here -- I want to flourish; to own stuff and make a positive difference in the community.

My ideal life will include:
-a fully paid-off home here in Hawai'i (with two other rental properties)
-ample income to allow easy travel to anywhere in the world
-live around family, preferably my family
-one or two children of my own
-healthy and maintaining an ideal weight
-I would like to be a successful novelist and/or published author

I think that is a fair assessment of the ideal life I'd like to live. My dream has always been to be an author, a very successful author. I intend to do just that. Now that I have completed my Bachelors degree, I have so much more time to write and get the ball rolling on becoming a successful author. I have been given so many gifts in the way of talents and abilities. I am ever grateful for them and I desire to continue to develop them and use them to do good.

I find that as I age I forget about the things that make me super excited. Writing always gets me excited. Owning a business excites me. The ocean excites me and being near the shore. Hawai'i has always had such a strong pull on my heart. I wonder why that is. Have I created my connection to Hawai'i? Do I exaggerate my relationship with these beautiful islands? At times I feel like I may be chemically-imbalanced or something because of my nearly irrational desire to remain in these islands. I love the slow pace and the beach and the mountains and the people. **sigh**

I know I'm rambling and this post covers all kinds of topics. **shrugs** Charge it to my emotions. I don't know what's in my future but I pray that it is just as I have written it above. In the near future, I hope the bank will tell me that we have received the funds in which we have applied for. **smiles**

Random Whining

Today's DAILY OM headline is Returning to Creative Dreams: Return and Reclaim. I wish I could republish what it said but you can just follow the link to do that.

DAILY OM is a bright light in my inbox. Because I subscribe to it, I get a wonderful message in my email everyday. It is never skewed by dogmatic belief. Rather, it gives off a message of light and love and about honoring self. I miss that about my former life. The world revolved around me... in the life I led before returning to religion. I so want that back.

Where does it say that we have to be so scheduled and bogged down by life events, or children, or familial ties? We have all been created to find happiness. Does happiness mean that I have to take on other people's problems/children? All my life I fell like I've had to care for other people's children. Sometimes I'm grateful for it but most times I feel so distant from the desire to have my own children.

My grandmother and great grandmother lived with us off and on until their passing. Our home is a very modest (humble) three bedrooms and two baths. It's tiny! Add to that me, my older brother, and both my parents. We're up to six people. Add to that another six children... my cousins whose mom was having a tough time and CPS took them. My parents decided to take them all in. When five of them left, my parents decided to continue on in foster care. **sigh** And thus begun my life, caring for children and my grandparents. Though I'm grateful for all the knowledge I have acquired, I don't want to do it anymore. I just want to take care of me and my husband. I miss US... just US. **sigh**

I know this is a major "whine-fest" but sometimes I deserve it. Before, my outlet was alcohol. Since I have put down the drink, I no longer have a stress reliever and I think of it often. I don't think of cigarettes though.... thankfully. I used to love Heineken. I would crack open a bottle and be set. If we were drinking hard liquor, Tequila was it for me. Tequila + Orange Juice + a dab of grenadine... and we're best friends. Now -- good ole H2O is my fave.

Where am I going with this post? No where! I'm just.... letting go of the negative emotions inside... concentrating on the GOOD that's around me and ahead of me. Big things must definitely be on the horizon!

Stressed By Stress

I am stressed to THE MAX. I just tweeted that into the universe. I am completely overwhelmed by my life. I want to detach from EVERYTHING that is consuming my time. I can't hear my own inner voice while tending to everyone's needs and it buggs the mess out of me. Normally, my life would revolve around ME and HUSBAND. Now I seemed to have taken over the duties that my mother left... and it's just not me.

I am not my mother!

My last post was about "Farren". My mother would have loved to support her through this ordeal while I'm COMPLETELY and UTTERLY uninterested in taking on more drama for this house to handle. I am through the roof with this whole living situation. I am so not my mother in this respect. The obvious choice is for me to leave and I plan to do just that. I don't know where I'm going but I do want to be far away from here.... far away from this life.... far away from caring for everyone but me.... far away from judgement by my peers... far away from busy-work... far away from the different things that suffocate me.

Sometimes I wish I could disappear into the atmosphere and fade into the waters of the ocean and pretend like my life never happened. Let me return to the source from which I came so that I may be AT ONE again with the Creator.

Sometimes life is just so hard!

The Rant About An Abused Woman

Women make hard choices. We always do!

This post is going to come off as a man-hating post but I don't know if it's that. I just look around me at the women in my life, cousins, sisters, aunts, and friends. We make hard choices. We do hard things. We rarely operate from a position of power without fear of criticizing lips from the people closest to us or even people not so close to us. We are quick to aid others while our brothers, boyfriends, husbands, and male friends sit back and watch.

**name changed**
Farren lives with her boyfriend whom she met in high school. They have two children together. They have an abusive relationship. On several occasions she has called on me to help her escape her boyfriend. She comes over to our house for a couple of days but eventually she goes back to her abusive boyfriend. I am about to close that "revolving" door. Am I wrong? This last time when I went over to get her or provide some type of support to her, her boyfriend came out and barked at me, "What do you want?" He was very aggressive and when I told him to call Farren, he went back in and started in on her. He doesn't intimidate me at all. Not in the least! However, no person should communicate in that manner and my husband can't wait to bump into him and have a conversation about how he spoke to me that day.

I called the cops because I'm not going to physically fight with a man. Unthinkable. She shouldn't fight him either! What I didn't know is that the cops have been to their home to deal with this same situation on many occasions. The cops also said that the next incident would result in them calling Child Protective Services until Farren and boyfriend can handle their disputes. We took off without her daughters before the cops came to avoid the potential CPS intervention. All day long she went on and on about how he chokes her and spits on her and calls her whore and slut... in front of their children... and all I could think about is her complete and utter ignorance for continuing to stay in the relationship.

She was supposed to file a Temporary Restraining Order against him. She didn't do it.... just as I suspected. I am completely disappointed.

So either she returns to him or she stays here at the house. Either choice is ridiculous... she should go home to her parents... sort ish out, come to the realization that her man is a big baby, and move the "f" on!

I wonder why her man thinks he can behave in an abusive manner. Did his mother teach him to be that way by not stopping her husband from abusing her? Will Farren teach this same cycle to her two girls... that it's okay to remain with a man that disrespects and abuses her. **SMH**

Women are called on to make tough choices. We take care of our parents when our male peers(brothers) fade into the background. We worry about our siblings, sons and daughters, and nieces and nephews and bend over backward to push them to dream, to push them toward living honest lives. All of this we do because we are women, because we are hardwired to do the toughest things.

Guys kind of... CHECK OUT. If he's (whoever HE is) feeling down, the whole world must spin around his affliction. Farren seems to think that her man has a hard time not being able to keep a job because all the employers cut him out of future work. I wonder if Farren thinks about what she says before she says it. That is the lamest excuse I have heard in years. He was supposed to join the military but boyfriend said he was discouraged because the recruiter wasn't following up with him. Boyfriend had also heard that Obama was scaling back on military funding. Hmmm... he made a decision for his personal life based on a CNN headline. LAME, LAME, LAME!

 

**Photo Credit**

Morose PMS Rant, Heartbreaking

When my first husband and I were going through the process of getting separated and then finally when we did separate, I thought it was the end of the world. I thought that my heart could not break or shatter like it did and it could not possibly ever come together again. At the time and on up to the divorce, every day was a practice in sanity under light depression. Even now, as I look back, I am amazed that I made it out from beneath such a dark cloud.

I remember the sad songs that were my constant friend, ever able and willing to send me into silent tears of loss.
Of longing.
Of self-doubt.
Of heartbreak.

Luther Vandross - I'd Rather
James Ingram - How Do You Keep the Music Playing
Marc Dorsey - I Crave

But the song that really shook me and continues to do so even when I here it now is Gloria Estefan's, Here We Are.





It is such a perfect indicator of how I felt in the days from when my ex told me he wanted a divorce until we actually signed papers. It was quite a fast process. It had to be like about nine days but each and every day was torture. And all I could think about was when he and I first met and the love affair that led to divorce; the romance that ended in goodbye. Mid-separation (he was living in New Mexico and I lived in Hawai'i), we rendezvous'd in San Francisco. I was working for a top-tier hotel so what could have been more romantic than meeting up with the only man that I loved. And the song sounds in my ears...

Here we are, face to face

We forget time and place

Hold me now. Don't let go.

Though it hurts and we both know

The time we spend together 's gonna fly

and everything you do to me is gonna feel so right

Baby when you're loving me, I feel like I could cry

Cuz there's nothing I can do to keep from loving you

After we parted ways in San Francisco -- I didn't see him again for another six months and when we were united, we were working on saying goodbye FOR GOOD. I remember when he first told me that he was DONE with the marriage. My first thoughts were that I was such a fool for loving him so hard. But I was grateful that there was absolution. I no longer wondered if he'd ever leave me again because divorce meant that he was leaving FOR GOOD. It was his birthday, you know, when he told me he wanted a divorce. Looking back -- in all ways, it was GOOD for both him and I. We were meant for a reason and a season; nothing more, nothing less. 

I had such an unrealistic view of what marriage was/is at the time. My view was marred with thoughts of romantic grandeur when people who are married for a long period of time know that there is nothing romantic about marriage except the wedding. But it gets better. I know it gets better. (Current husband and I make 9years coming up in November). Staying in a relationship where two people are committed and free of abuse almost guarantees that it will get better; that love will flourish and that the connection will be so deep that nothing can tear it apart. That was so not the case with marriage #1 and only time will tell what will happen with marriage #2.

Here we are all alone

Trembling hearts beating strong

Reachin out. Breathless kiss.

Never thought could feel like this.

I want to stop the time from passing by

Wanna close my eyes and feel your lips touching mine.

Baby when you're close to me

I want you more each time

And there's nothing I can do to keep from loving you

The moment immediately after signing the documents, I dropped the pen and looked him dead in his eyes. The tears welled up and it took everything in me not to gush. 

There's nothing I can do

I'm helpless in your arms

Baby what you do 

I'm in love

This is it

There's no turning back this time.

No no no

...There was no turning back. The papers had been signed. And my heart felt a great burden but also a great sigh of relief.

I often wonder what it would be like if we ever saw each other again in the now. I don't know what the feelings would be. Sometimes it seems like such a long time ago. I've grown and/or outgrown the old me and the situations of yesterday.

Here we are again once again

But this time we're only friends 

**sigh** A few months after we signed the divorce papers he called out-of-the-blue. My heart was aching from being without him, from running into another relationship to try and fill the void, and all I wanted to do is go back to what it was. He was all I knew for so long. But I knew that we would never again be more than friends. There are some belief systems that believe that a soulmate is a person that comes into your life to change it. He/she serves his or her purpose then MOVES ON. He changed my life.

Funny world sometimes lies

Becomes the game when love's the prize

And no no one knows whats going on inside

And all the love I feel for you

Is something I should hide

When I have you close to me

The feeling's so sublime

But there's nothing I can do to keep from loving you 

Life is a melding of all types of situations that either push us toward progression or toward living the same Groundhog's Day over and over. To help me maintain sanity, I sometimes meditate and go back (in my mind) to events that made me feel powerless and I change the event (in my mind) to take back my power. This heartache is nothing more than a forceful push toward taking my power back and I've done it.... been done it... but some days I feel like writing about it.

Drop Dead Diva Love

I am such a huge fan of Drop Dead Diva! I have been since I started watching it on Lifetime a couple years ago. The show is now in its fourth season. The central character, Jane Bingum, is played by Brooke Elliot. She is fabulous.



This song was featured on a super duper emotional scene on Drop Dead Diva. It was heart breaking and most of us can connect with bittersweet heart ache.

The premise of the show is DIFFERENT than anything that is currently out but works so well. I will not post any spoilers here but if you're interested in the show, Netflix is running all three seasons right now. Also, all three seasons are available on DVD.


So what, exactly, is the show about?


Guardian Angels
Best Friends
Love
Lawyers
Pop Music, sometimes Show Tunes
It's like the movie GHOST meets the TV show Ally McBeal meets Glee and they have a baby. The cast is spectacular. Each actor/actress is so perfect for the character they play. Margaret Cho is so awesome as a sarcastic legal assistant. But, Brooke Elliot shines like the star that she is.