Friday, February 08, 2008

Of Forgiveness & Letting Go

I went and consulted with my holistic practitioner today. I'm a regular on her couch. (Holistic Practitioner's are about healing the ENTIRE person and returning the body, mind, emotions & spirit into a positive equal balance.) I had been needing a tune up for quite some time and finally took a vacation day to get it done. I'm glad I did.

I was quite surprised with the outcome of today's therapy session. **heavy sigh** What has come forward recently is my relationship with my mother. She and I have never quite seen "eye to eye". That's not news at all. But in the past couple of years, she's really just gotten under my skin in a strange way. Today's therapy session exposed this in a way that, in the long haul, WILL affect my health negatively.

Before I chose to be clean and sober, the alcohol served as my "ESCAPE" from my mother or any problem. It was my stress reliever. I failed to replace the alcoholic binges with a healthy stress relieving alternative. I imagine that my nerves are wound up real tight and actually, todays therapy session confirmed it. The pent up stress scares me and I am in serious need of healing my emotional traumatic past.

I think all of this is coming forward because I have never dealt with it FULLY. Here I am approaching 33 and am only now sober, clear-headed and ready to take on these emotional issues.

As I unravel the negative effects of my mothers "mothering" techniques, I am sure that I will cry a whole lot. I am sure that I will have to find calmness and serenity in me instead of trying to find an external source for comfort. I am sure that I will have to go back and tell the story of she and I, from my perspective, then rewrite it so that it helps me in a positive way. I'm sure that this path towards freeing myself of her psychological HOOKS will include forgiving her and letting go of all the ways in which she has hurt me. I am ready to do this.

It starts right here. Right now. Journey with me down this road of telling and rewriting and turning this obstacle into a giant door of opportunity and unconditional love.

2 comments:

Nina MM said...

Thank God for new beginnings.

NeenaLove said...

Thanks for stopping by... it's been awhile.